Posted 31st March 2014

Theme for April 2014: Vacations

Hi there folks wherever you happen to be. My unique (or not so unique) view of the world for April will concern itself with the onset of the holiday (vacation) season that most of us - in just a few weeks more - are going to enjoy/experience/suffer/get over as quickly as possible.

The vast majority of we mortals will stay at home, of course, that's what sensible people do to avoid all the hassle that goes with travel today. Unless you have endless wads of notes to ease the pathway to ensuring perfect accommodation, painless aeroplane journeys, first class rail seats, or you own an amazing car that will drive itself through congested arteries to reach your holiday destination, it can be a nightmare!

But hey, why am I sounding disenchanted? The truth is that I have had some amazing vacations. Has it all been due to good luck? What was it that ensured I would have a good time - barring the unexpected? I'll come back to that in a bit.

I have read about some appalling situations, where a family has arrived at some dump abroad, only distantly reminiscent of the hotel they booked in the Holiday Destination brochure back home. Dirty rooms, stinking swimming pools, bugs of every description, bed sheets stained beyond disgusting - looking like they have never been changed. The food on offer not fit for human consumption, and staff that seem to suggest they are doing you a good turn by putting in an appearance - just don't ask them to do something.

I hope, sincerely that you have not experienced any of the above when on vacation. I haven't, not yet anyway - and I think there has been a general improvement all around the planet. There's only one, no, I lie, two, no three occasions, when I was 'a bit put out' - as we say - over accommodation and food.

The first time was when the whole family went on holiday to Majorca in 1985,
to a beautiful-looking hotel situated mere yards from the enticing beach. We thought this was 'the bees knees' - as we say - a place of perfection. Well it was, nearly, if you could stomach the food, especially what was presented at breakfast time. Eggs and bacon swam in trays of oil, the rest of the offerings were laid out on tables bereft of cover, plastic or otherwise, to keep off the flies. Needless to say, we skipped dinner there. My daughter subsisted on carrots throughout the whole week.  

The second occasion was in Crete, back in the '90s. It is a lovely island, a great place to be on holiday. Unfortunately, the 'Studio' on the roof, allocated to my wife and I, though great for views of sea and (The White) mountains, was the meeting place for every mosquito that ever lived. There were no nets, and you should have seen the swellings on face, neck and arms the next morning.

The third occasion, and thankfully the last, was in Malta, a mere five or six years ago. Our foursome had booked two rooms for two week. Our friends secured a chamber fit for purpose - ours - O.M.G. - as my American friends would say - was 'a tip'. We seemed to be looking out of a window and down into the heart of a volcano that formed the heart of the edifice, out of which spurted steam, food smells - and certainly no daylight. The room contents, bed, cupboards, etc. were basic, to say the least. Only a sit-down protest in front of the Reception finally delivered somewhere adequate.

But these are all the nasties I am going to mention. In my next post I want to reminisce with you over some startlingly awesome trips - delivered with no problems to overcome, nothing to struggle with. I'm sure you will want to know how this was achieved - not just once, but several times; in fact, there hasn't been a bad one since...I can't remember when.

Cheers

GK